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"With your eyes closed, look upward, as if you were looking at the top of your
forehead from the inside."
She did as he asked and felt suddenly dizzy, as if she were falling backward.
Her pulse thudded in her ears, and the world began to feel far away. .
"You are at a crossroads," he told her. "At this branching of the road, you
choose to live either for yourself or for others. Down the road of self, there
are many other paths that can bring you back to this point if you so desire,
and there are many other ways to serve - but once your feet are set upon the
Falcon road, there is no turning back. Listen to the voice of your heart and
the voice of your soul, asking if this is the road you should follow."
Her knees hurt from kneeling on the hard tiles. The small of her back ached,
and her shoulders felt cramped, and she wanted to move around, but Dughall had
impressed in her the importance of maintaining her kneeling position
throughout the whole of the ceremony. "It will keep you from getting hurt,"
he'd said - she'd thought that cryptic, and still wondered what he'd meant.
Still
uncomfortable with the god Vodor Imrish, she prayed to the gods of Ibera for a
sign that the path she sought would be the right one. She listened, but her
thoughts refused to still, and any answer she received from the gods was
buried in her mind's noisy chatter.
After what seemed to her a very long, uncomfortable, and unprofitable time,
Dughall said, "With your eyes still closed, hold your arms out and drop the
coins on the zanda, asking for guidance from
Vodor Imrish as you do."
She raised her arms and let the coins fall - they hit the silk with a musical
clatter. Then she waited.
Dughall said nothing for a long time.
Then he said, "The Fates would have plans for you no matter which road you
choose. You are marked to change your world - marked to touch the lives of
those around you - marked to carry a burden from the old era into the new one,
but always in secret. You will never be acclaimed a hero by the masses, you
will never rule in name, you will never receive praise or thanks for your many
sacrifices, though you will be a hero, and you will rule in fact, and you will
make great sacrifices throughout your lifetime that will be deserving of great
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praise. Your life, no matter which road you take, will bear the scars of
hardship and want, of pain and loss, and of great regret. You will lose a
great friend, and regain a great love." He sighed. "And from all I see before
me, the Falcons need you more than you will ever need them. Vodor Imrish
watches you with interest and some admiration, because you have chosen never
to lean on the comfort or promises of the gods, and have proven time and again
that you can make your way without them. Not all lives are bound to the gods -
yours is not and never will be, and though you may ally yourself with Vodor
Imrish, you will always be a comrade, not a worshiper."
She maintained her posture, eyes closed and focused upward, trying to puzzle
out from Dughall's words whether he was telling her that she should join the
Falcons or shouldn't. They needed her more than she needed them. She was
destined to rule, but in secret. She was destined to heroism, but in secret.
She was to be the comrade of the gods, not a worshiper. She would lose a
friend and regain a love.
Oracles annoyed her. She wished that they could offer advice not couched in
confusion. She would have liked Dughall to read the zanda and tell her, The
gods decree you are to be a Falcon, or conversely, The gods decree that you
are not. Simple, direct, clear.
"I choose the Falcon path," she said at last. No oracle had convinced her, no
god had whispered in her ear, and even her soul had failed to offer her
compelling reasons for saying yea or nay - in the end, she decided simply
because she believed that the Falcons had much to offer the world even without
the promise of Paranne, and she wished to add her strength to their numbers.
"Open your eyes, then, and tell me again, for no path should be chosen with
eyes closed."
"I choose the Falcon path."
"Then repeat after me," Dughall said.
"I offer all that is mine to give: ka-erea - my will; ka-ashura - my blood;
ka-amia - my flesh;
ka-enadda - my breath; ha-obbea - my soul..."
He paused, and Kait repeated the words after him, feeling weight building in
the silence around them. As she enunciated the final ka, she felt a presence
in the room with them, eyes that watched out of the edges of shadows, ears
that listened from a place outside of time.
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