Anthony Barnhart Flowers Quickly Fading (pdf)

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about me. Look at me.
I turned my head, our eyes centimeters apart.
She smiled. Look at where we are. Look at where you are. Do you feel my
arms around you? I love you. God, I love you. I love you so much. So much. Her
words were like fire on an icy heart. I love you. I love you. I love you& She
chanted these words and I meditated upon them. I love you. I love you. I love
you. And the tears came off my face and she held me even tighter, her words
running over and over, speaking peace and even joy into my heart.
Dad was unable to take her to the hospital the day of the tests, so I loaded her into
my car and drove here there. I found myself flipping through magazines in the
lobby in everlasting agony. The words on the magazines didn t draw my eyes; I
flipped the glossy pages and stared into nowhere, eyes registering nothing but my
jumbled thoughts. I even prayed a little bit, just told God that she didn t deserve
this, she didn t deserve to suffer anymore.
A nurse came out and said, Your mother s awake, Son. Follow me.
He led me to her room and I saw her smiling on a hospital bed.
The nurse said, The doctor will be in shortly. She left.
I walked around the bed and sat down in the chair beside her. How are you
feeling?
She managed, Better.
Really? That s good. I guess.
She pulled me close and whispered into my ear, When I went under& I saw an
angel.
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Flowers Quickly Fading 143
The doctor entered the room. How are we feeling? he asked my mother.
My mother responded, Okay.
Good, he said with a big grin.
What s the news? I demanded, still sitting in the chair.
Well, the doctor said, we ran the tests on the samples, and-
Yes or no? I said. Get to the point.
The doctor sighed. No signs of cancer. We re sorry for the inconvenience. We
just had to make sure.
My eyes were wide as saucers. So she s okay? I mean, she s& not sick?
Well, she ll be a little groggy for a day or two, but, no, nothing to worry
about.
No cancer?
Not a lick of it, the doctor confirmed.
Mom smiled at me and she mouthed, It was the angel!
The doctor saw her mouth moving, but from his angle couldn t interpret.
What d she say?
Nothing, I said. Can I take her home?
The doctor grabbed the clipboard. Sure. Just don t let her drive.
With the fear of losing my mother to a parasitic disease vanquished out the
window, I found my days sunnier and nights clearer. I almost forgot about college
as June dribbled into July. I spent every waking moment with Jena, it seemed. We
had our small battles, our disagreements, and one day we even refused to talk to
each other. But we got over that. All relationships good ones, at least go
through conflicts and adequately work them out. At least that s what I m led to
believe. We would often to go Applebee s, simply because for three dollars and
fifty cents you could get boneless chicken wings, a giant quesadilla, or loaded
potato skins. We d also visit the parks in the area, as well as take walks up and
down Main Street, hang out at each other s houses. Or we d go to the coast and sit
on the rocks, look out at the beautiful blue ocean and wonder what lives were
being led on the other side. We can t imagine how big it really is, Jena would
tell me. It s bigger than the United States. Think about it. A big ocean, that s for
sure. The more we talked the more I fell in love with her. I was thankful fear did
not pull me away from her, not this time, and the touch of her fingers on my arms
and the soft sweet breath in her excitement, blended with the silky hair and soft,
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Flowers Quickly Fading 144
tan skin, and please, don t forget the honey taste of her tongue in my mouth and
mine in hers& All of these combined for an ecstasy knowing no bounds. I felt
like the most blessed guy alive with the most beautiful girl in the stretched
cosmos.
I know the perfect place, Jena told me, and she drove us to a small little pine
grove overlooking the town.
The weather was warm and the sun failing as she stretched a blanket over the
pine nettles and we sat down amongst the trees. Squirrels watched us from the
tree-limbs, and the fireworks were breathtaking. Scarlet and orange and golden
and jasper, exploding over the town in brilliant, showering fireballs. The funny
thing was, I never did like fireworks too much. But now, with her& They were
mesmerizing.
Everything with her was mesmerizing.
The fireworks ended, but we didn t leave. The stars burned behind wisps of
clouds and I felt so insignificant in the whole scheme of things.
I talked to my uncle on the phone, Jena said out of nowhere. You know how
we don t have enough money for me to go to college?
Yeah.
Well. He called and told me that even though he didn t have the money,
either& He s been promoted to a hiring position at the aquarium in Gatlinburg.
The town in Tennessee?
Yeah, I know the place.
So when I graduate& I think I m going to go there. He says he can get me a
paper-pushing job that pays a lot.
I let her words ruminate, then, So what about us?
She smiled. I told him about you. I told him how you were going to college.
For botany or zoology.
She was quiet. I urged, Uh-huh&
He said that if you graduated with either grade, you could work at the
aquarium. He can already put you on the roster. I don t know how, but he can. He
says either a botany or a zoology degree would be of use at the aquarium. She
snuggled close to me and looked up into my eyes. Do you know what this
means? Remember at the beach-
How could I forget?
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Flowers Quickly Fading 145
She blushed, then, No. When we were talking? About what you wanted. A
simple life.
Yeah. I remember.
This is it! she exclaimed. Her voice climbed louder and louder. Don t you
see? I ve got a job and you ve got a job! We ve got a job together! And we can
live together! We can get married, we can have children, we can have a nice little
house in the mountains and
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I said, urging her down. Okay. Okay.
What?
Umm& Nothing. But& Don t you think this is a little rushed?
Rushed? she asked, eyes speaking bewilderment. I don t get it.
I mean& I don t want to rush into anything.
She turned and looked out over the town, her face hidden in the shadows. I
reached out and gently drew her head towards mine. I think, I told her, that
sounds beautiful. I just& I just didn t want to get too excited& If it was an empty
promise.
It s not, she said, a smile widening in her face. She embraced me tight, we
kissed passionately, and then she told me, This is what I ve wanted. I ve wanted
you. And you ve wanted me. We have each other! And we re going to have a
home. We re going to have kids. Everything s going to be perfect. Perfect and
simple. Just like you want it. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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